What’s inside Affects outside, My Lady!
Good or bad, hormones are everything for a woman. In today’s world where health should be the primary focus (and we are striving hard for it), stress doesn’t let that happen so easily. Stress to achieve perfection, stress for continuous struggle with oneself to convince of what the reality is, stress of self- doubt, stress to aspire to have a better life and overcoming the obstacles, stress of bearing repercussions of impulsive decisions, stress to fulfil expectations and stress to be stress-free forever. At this point of my age, I totally empathize with every Indian mother who is filled with anxiety, tension, depression, and a pool of emotions. In this piece, I will elaborate on the major stress that I am dealing with in my life and making efforts to overcome it- Wanting to go back into the past!
Not that I am unhappy with my existing life events, in fact I count my blessings and am grateful for everything, every single day! This is a life I have chosen for myself, and I am super content with it. But sometimes, you sit back and think of times when you were most carefree and at your state of ecstasy; mine was between 25 to 30 yrs. The time when I stayed away from home, having an independent life, earning, saving, and lavishly spending on myself. The time where all I cared about was ME. There were days I would over pamper myself by indulging into not-so-socially acceptable stuff, but who cared? I was living it all for and by myself and thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it. New cities, new friends, new houses (that I made my temporary homes), new cultures, new workplaces, and the constant me of willing to change it more. In those five years, I have stayed in 4 different cities, travelled 5 countries and 16 cities, made a handful of friends (which is quite a task for a ‘close to anti-social’ person like me) and discovered my love for food, travel, books, and dance. Also, I started to write at that time.
Perhaps, what made me so happy was the fact that everything around is not built to last forever and I do not have to settle for anything life-long. Since I am a social being, I did enjoyed humans around, but not 24*7. I got my own space to work on myself, mentally & physically and tried evolving out as a better person every-day. They say when things around are temporary you feel less attached and want to explore more, experiment more. There is nothing wrong in being adaptable to rapid changes and wishing for it each time you see your life coming to permanency, this is basic human nature, but the levels vary; and mine is towards extreme high.
My hormones are playing some serious games inside my system where I am everyday fighting for a moment to not emotionally or mentally depend on anybody, where I can do things without considering others’ wish, where I can be the badass person that I want to be, where I don’t want to make anybody the center of my world and where I see my left hand holding my right one cheering it up in biggest of my troubles consoling “It will be alright”. But these thoughts are an illusion to live with. I know that I cannot always be that person who wants to fight all the battles by herself. I need a hand to hold me, arms to wrap me around when I am at my low, lips to kiss my sorrows away and a voice that lights up my mood every time I hear it. By god’s grace, I have all of those in the form of my life partner. But as I said, I am expecting a nothing less than an illusion. What I want is my past and what I need is my present. And guess what? The vicious puzzle does not end here. There’s some more to it.
Since I am a person who loves to operate on extremes and strongly refuse to take things diplomatically or neutrally, I have my own battles with my existing happy and perfect life. For expecting the things to be my way always is difficult as there is always an opinion of two (or sometimes many) involved. If I strongly disagree to something, it isn’t necessary that I hear the same voice of disapproval from the other end. Settling down for a mid-way is not my thing and this gives a major rise to my hormonal imbalance. But that’s not how it works. With negotiations comes deep understanding and respect for each other’s decision and I am working hard towards it. I sometimes deal with anxiety, feel extremely frustrated, sound mean, develop insomnia, and continuously overthink about the situation.
What helps: Meditation, positive people & environment, healthy conversations, good food, lots of traveling and a stand for self. Being able to tell what suits you and what doesn’t, in what can you invest your energy and what is sheer rubbish to you. Speaking up is very essential to make the person with you realize what bothers you. Learn to say a NO!
This is a journey in which you fight the battle alone and heal your wounds on your own with the right medication and at the right time.
I am sure a lot of us, specifically women will be going through this phase and might feel helpless at times and that exactly suck up our hormone’s equation with our body. But what helps the most is your positive approach towards life to assure yourself that “this too shall pass”.
